Are your relationships (partners, lovers, friends, colleagues, family) difficult?
Have you experienced a series of relationships that don’t seem to work?
Do you wonder if you’ll ever find the “right one”?
Do you long for partnership (of any kind) and don’t know how to get it?
A Quest Retreat for Adult Attachment Disorder can help you change experience healthy relationships.
If your needs for a secure, attentive, loving relationship were not met as an infant or small child, you will likely have difficulty forming secure relationships as an adult.
You might say that you have adult attachment issues or an adult attachment disorder.
This inability to connect, to form satisfying relationships, has its foundations in our earliest experiences.
The quality of our first relationships with our caregivers—feeling seen, valued, and having needs met in a loving and timely way—determine our ultimate experience of ourselves, our capacity to feel safe and connect with the world and the quality of our relationships with others.
This is not about blaming parents. Your parents can’t give you what they never had themselves. They may have loved you, yet they may not have been capable of meeting your needs. As babies, when we reach out and no one reaches back, when we express needs and no one responds adequately, we often give up. Or if our caregiver is present some of the time and neglectful or abusive at other times, we become confused and keep reaching, keep hoping someone will be there.
In this process, we decide things about ourselves, such as “I must be unlovable” or “something must be wrong with me.” We then begin a lifelong quest to either avoid real intimacy or when it does show up, in our desperation, we often unconsciously push it away. This longing and/or dissatisfaction often leads to anxiety, depression, co-dependency, addictions, fear of intimacy, rigidity, and wanting to hurt or be hurt, as well as a failure to thrive as adults.
At Quest, we specialize in working with our earliest attachment issues, sometimes called developmental trauma.
Our proven attachment therapy can help you change the effects of an “adult attachment disorder.”
Within a safe and caring environment, we gently and safely guide you to discover your early experiences, beliefs, and coping strategies that prevent you from getting the love you want or keeping the love you find. You will discover the roots of current relationship issues and heal them at the source, giving you an experience of your authentic self. You will begin to experience yourself as lovable, capable, and worthy and will go home with a strategy to continue to build your newfound feelings of safety and potential as well as the skills to build healthy relationships and be more successful in every area of your life.
Adult Attachment Disorder Assessment
The following addresses primary relationships; yet it can be a useful tool in thinking about adult relationships in general. This assessment is synthesized and condensed from a number of Adult Attachment researchers. See if more than one of the following applies to your relationships.
1. In relationships, I often want to be closer than my partner does.
2. I am afraid my partner doesn’t really care for me and will leave me.
3. I find I need to be in a primary relationship and become anxious when I am not.
4. I devote a lot of energy to pleasing others and often neglect my own needs.
5. I find it difficult to trust that others will be there for me.
6. I find it difficult to get too close to others.
7. I get anxious when anyone gets too intimate or too close.
8. Being independent and self-sufficient is a high priority for me and I tend to look down on people who are not.
9. I am often uncomfortable sharing my feelings.
10. I have been told I am too sensitive, needy or demanding.
If more than one of the above questions fit for you, you may benefit from taking a closer look at your earliest relational history and your resultant attachment strategy. This strategy, while it may have helped you survive in your family, may not be serving you in your adult relationships.
Our schedule can be found at Quest Retreat Schedule.
If you would like to talk with an attachment therapist about whether Quest is appropriate for you call us at (707) 322-4626.